"Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness."


One major thing I learnt last year is that to forgive someone who has really messed up or hurt you is the hardest thing ever. Telling yourself that you forgive the person or the people and you're going to let things go is easier said than done. Most times it's easier to hold on to anger and resentment and thoughts of revenge but it's not healthy. Being let down is hard, I get, but you holding on to anger is actually hurting you rather than the other person. Anger has a way of consuming and controlling you and it rids you of positive things at that point. It will do more harm to you than it will to the the other person. One thing that helps is remembering forgiveness isn't something you do for the other person, it's something you do for you. Love yourself enough to forgive the other person because at the end of the day it's for your own good. 

"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Buddha 

Forgiveness is you coming to terms with what has happened and letting it go. It doesn't excuse other people's actions or behaviors. We have to understand that everyone makes mistakes - everyone, including you and I. Sadly some mistakes have bigger consequences than others but mistakes are mistakes. All human beings are flawed, keep this in mind. Think about it this way, if you messed up you will obviously want those you hurt to forgive you. Forgiveness is you making peace with everything that has happened and letting go of past experiences or situations. You release yourself from a painful burden when you forgive. Truth is, everything that has happened had to happen and you can grow from it. There was probably something you needed to know or learn.

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You suffer the most when you choose to hold on to things that upset you. Holding on to negative energy affects you in more ways than one. It doesn't only affect you, it affects other people around you. You can't change the past, so don't dwell on it. When you forgive you don't change the past, you change the future. Make peace with your past so it doesn't disturb your present or affect your future.

It's an amazing feeling when you find your inner peace. Here's a list of things that I believe should help:

• Let the initial rush of emotion pass. 
• It helps if you express and release the anger felt first, not in a violent way though. It's best to talk about it but that doesn't work for everyone so do what works for you. 
• Acknowledge how you felt about everything that has happened and highlight the things you've learnt from the experience. There will be a lesson.
• Try and find the good that has come out of it, this should make it easier to let go.
• Make a conscious effort to forgive
• You don't have to say "I forgive you". I don't think it's necessary. You would have to though if you want to mend the relationship. 
• Forgiveness doesn't mean you would forget everything that has happened, it's okay if you still have feelings about the situation.
• Lastly, I think how you know you've made progress is if you don't feel as much anger or pain when you're reminded of it and if you don't feel the need to revenge anymore.